It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
