using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
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