Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
