Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
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