? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
