now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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