He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
