A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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