My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
