I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
