I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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