The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
