she was so not down for the gang bang
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
