Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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