I wish my penis had an off switch
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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