We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
