i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
