I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
