I am midnight drunk by noon
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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