she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
