i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
