i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
