She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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