Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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