Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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