This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
