mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Randomize
