Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
