Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
