Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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