I must be too annoying 4 u.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I'm just crazy horny about you
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Randomize
