Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
