I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
