I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
