it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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