a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
