Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
