I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
