if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
