lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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