I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
