if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
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