so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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