Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
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