Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
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