I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
