My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Randomize
