Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
