with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
