i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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